I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
