had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
