I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
