Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
