Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
