I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
