'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
