I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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