I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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