KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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