Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
