he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
