He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
