I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
