i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
