Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
