She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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