If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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