Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
