so let's talk penis.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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