2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
