i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
