what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
