Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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