So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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