Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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