I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
