Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
