My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
