so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
