I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
