Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
