So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
