I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
