So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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