I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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