that's an acceptable place to lick
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
