i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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