I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
