Need sex. Gaining weight.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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