No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
