how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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