this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
