i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
