Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
