so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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