Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
