this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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