Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
