I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
