I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
