My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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