So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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