i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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