remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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