My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
