i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
