i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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