Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
