Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
