Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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