I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
