hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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