he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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