i think my tv is drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
