i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
