he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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