everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
