I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I sprained my soul last night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
